Warning Signs of an Abuser:

Pushes for quick involvement
• Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone”
• Constantly offering to take care of you

Jealous
• Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly
• Prevents you from going out or going to work because you “might meet someone”
• Checks the mileage on your car

Lack of trust
• Controlling
• Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about who you talked to and where you were
• Keeps all the money
• Insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything
• Makes plans without consulting you
• Manipulation rather than discussion and compromise

Unrealistic Expectations
• Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his/her every need
• Puts you on a pedestal and then blames you when you don't meet expectations

Isolation
• Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble”
• May deprive you use of phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job

Blames Others for Problems or Mistakes
• It’s always some one else’s fault if something goes wrong
• Twists stories around or lies

Makes Others Responsible for His or Her Feelings
• Abuser says “You make me angry” instead of “I am angry” or says “You are hurting me by not doing what I tell you”

Hypersensitivity
• Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he/she is really mad
• Rants about the injustices of things that are just part of life

Cruelty to Children and Animals
• May expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (i.e. gets angry at a 3 yr. old for wetting their diaper), or may tease them until they cry
• Kills or punishes animals brutally
 
“Playful” Use of Force During Sex:
• Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex

Verbal Abuse
• Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names

Rigid Sex/ Gender Roles
• Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home
• Expects you to take care of household, children on your own

Sudden Mood Swings
• Switches from sweet to violent in minutes or less
 
Past Abusive Behaviour
• Admits to hitting or otherwise abusing a partner in the past, but says the person “made” him/her do it

Threats of Violence
• Threatens to harm you, then dismisses it later
 

Take care if you find yourself believing that with a bit of work you could really fix/change this person, rescue them and/or help them to reach their potential.

Compiled by Interval House, Hamilton, Ontario
http://www.intervalhousehamilton.org